The Apology (Rick and Morty version)
by TFSyndicate
Summary: Steven is summoned by the Diamonds once again. A headcanon following the "Wanted" story arc, with two endings/surprise crossovers: This is one of them...we get to meet the White Diamond!
1. Chapter 1

Beautiful morning at Beach City. Steven was home at last and everything was again back to normal. Normal except for the absence of Lars, who was still stuck on the Homeworld with the Off-color gems. Several days have passed since Steven's trial with the Blue and Yellow Diamonds, which abruptly ended with his escape and the question of whether or not his mother, Rose Quartz, really shattered the Pink Diamond. Three diamonds remain to this day, though the White Diamond is hardly, if ever, seen around the Homeworld. There are circulating rumors going around that the White Diamond doesn't know about the Pink Diamond's demise, because she was always "on the road".  
Anyway, Steven awoke one morning to somebody knocking on the door. Pearl was the closest to the door, so she answered it. To her shock, it was one the Rubies, but one that Steven hasn't met yet: her gem was on her right hand-must be one of the Blue Diamond's Rubies.  
"Ugh, not this again," said Pearl.  
"It's all right," said the Ruby, "I only have a message for the Rose Quartz in your clan."  
Obviously, she meant Steven. Gems do not reproduce, and nicknames are apparently a foreign concept to them. Because Steven has his mother's Rose Quartz gem, he is referred to outside gems as a Rose Quartz. Nervous, Steven got dressed and made his way downstairs to the Ruby at the door.  
"Please, call me Steven," he said, "What's the message?"  
"...Steven, the Diamonds request your presence once again, at the throne room on Homeworld," said the Ruby, "Shall I contact for special transport or..."  
"It's okay," said Steven, "I know a shortcut. Tell them I will be right over."  
Steven ran outside and toward his pet lion, sleeping in the middle of the beach surrounding the house. He jumped into the pink mane and disappeared. There was a long pause from Pearl and the Ruby over what a reasonable reaction should be. Pearl ended up shedding a tear and waving goodbye, while the Ruby went back to her transport and contact the Diamonds.

A short while later, Steven arrived at the abandoned kindergarten on the Homeworld, emerging from Lars's pink hair.  
He heard a voice, "Oh! I predict the return of a friend!" Classic Padparadscha...  
Steven was welcomed back with open arms from Lars and the Off-color gems.  
"Steven!" said Lars, "Have you found a way to rescue me?"  
"Lars, you have to come with me!" said Steven, "The Diamonds want to speak with me again!"  
"What for? Are they gonna kill you or something?"  
"I don't know. I guess we have no choice but to find out for ourselves."  
Steven and Lars stepped out of the cave entrance and into the open. Ever since Steven escaped, the robonoids dispatched by the Yellow Diamond stopped looking for him, leaving the Off-color gems free to move the rock away from the cave entrance it temporarily blocked. This time, they were greeted by another set of robonoids-the ones designed to escort somebody in the right direction. Steven and Lars followed the escorting robonoid back to the throne room, where both the Yellow and Blue Diamonds were waiting.

And so the second trial began. The two Diamonds were seated in their respective thrones, with their corresponding Pearls and Zircons standing before them. The Yellow Diamond was the first to speak.  
"Rose Quartz...and your human friend," she said leniently, "Thank you for coming."  
"If you know what you want to do with me," Steven said proudly, "Please do it. I'm willing to suffer through whatever you place me in front of, as long as you leave the Earth alone."  
The Blue Diamond said nothing of sheer importance. She shed a tear or two, but because of her constant mourning of the Pink Diamond, this was normal. The Yellow Diamond, on the contrary, heard what Steven said and laughed at him. It looks like he showed up on one of her better days.  
"Suffer? We summoned you here because we owe you..." she paused for dramatic effect, "an apology."  
Steven sighed with relief. Things seemed to be going better than he expected. Now it was the Blue Diamond's turn to speak.  
"We had the pleasure of encountering some eyewitnesses from the scene of the crime. They said that Rose Quartz was near the palanquin, and she did have a sword. But she didn't have the chance to actually _do_ it." Another tear was shed.  
"That sounds about right," said Steven, "Because as far as I know, the sword can only poof a gem, not shatter it."  
Now the Blue Zircon said something, "Rose Quartz, remind the Diamonds what you said to me during the first recess."  
Steven sighed, "I told this Zircon that I didn't know how I shattered Pink Diamond because I'm not really the Rose Quartz you're looking for. That Rose Quartz is dead. I'm her son, and I'm forced to deal whatever she left behind, just because I have her gem." He lifted his shirt to reveal his mother's Rose Quartz gem. The other gems in the room were silent, then they whispered amongst each other.  
"I'm sorry...I keep forgetting you gems don't know what 'mothers' and 'sons' are."  
"You don't have to be sorry," said the Yellow Diamond, "We know how reproduction works, 'Son' of Rose Quartz."  
"Please, call me Steven."  
The Yellow Diamond gave Steven a gentle pat on the head. Yep, this was _definitely_ a good day for her. The Blue Diamond continue to shed her tears, not over the Pink Diamond, but rather between this touching moment between 'Steven' and the Yellow Diamond. Lars kept a short distance away and his mouth shut, because he shuttered thinking about what happened last time.  
Steven asked "So what's gonna happen now? Did you find out who really shattered your Pink Diamond? Are you gonna leave Earth alone?"  
Both Diamonds looked down at Steven's big, sad eyes.


	2. Chapter 2 (Rick and Morty version)

" _No_ ," said the Yellow Diamond.  
Steven and Lars' jaws dropped "WHAT?!"  
"It's true that our quarrel is no longer with you or your mother," the Yellow Diamond continued, "But the real criminal is one of your Earth people."  
The Blue Pearl, who served as stenographer for the trial, raised her hand.  
"May I play the video recorded by the bug planted by an eyewitness?" she asked.  
"Yes, you may," said her Diamond.  
The video began to play, projected on the wall behind Steven and Lars.  
"Wait..." said Steven, "If this was from many years ago, why only now are we getting these eyewitness reports?"  
The Blue Diamond sighed, "Nobody really liked Rose Quartz because of her loyalty to Earth. They just wanted to see her get in trouble for something, and we believed them."  
The projection showed an old blue-haired man in a white lab coat. The recording bug was placed on the forehead of a nearby human, possibly the old man's apprentice. The 'apprentice' watched as the old man pull out a futuristic looking gun, and aimed it at the Pink Diamond leaving her palanquin, half a mile away. The beam fired from the gun landed directly into the Pink Diamond's gemstone, shattering it, just as Rose Quartz came into view, sword in hand.  
The old man's voice was then heard, "Okay, now we wait for the commotion to URRP die down, then we'll grab some of those shards and split!"  
The Blue Pearl fast-forwarded the tape to the point where the palanquin appeared to be abandoned.  
"Okay, go!" said the old man's voice.  
The apprentice ran over to the remains of the Pink Diamond and picked them up with his bare hands. He ran back to the old man, who put them in a small blue pouch. Both members of the party climbed into their spaceship-shaped transport. A green portal opened, and the transport passed through it. On the other side of the portal was a garage, and the transport stopped.  
Steven was confused. Were they still on _his_ Earth?  
"Wouldn't it be simpler to just capture the man who shattered him rather than blow up the whole planet?" he asked.  
"The simplest methods aren't always the quickest," said the Yellow Diamond, and they continued to watch the projection.  
The bug-camera suddenly fell off the apprentice's head and onto a living room coffee table, where the Pink Diamond pieces sat. The old man, seated in a couch before the table, took out a credit card and chopped up the Diamond into nearly dust. Then the unthinkable happened: he bent over, and snorted an enormous portion of the dust up his nose! He stood up and his eyes turned a pinkish hue.  
"AW MAN!" said the old man in a frenzious mood, "THIS IS SO MUCH _BETTER THAN KALAXIAN CRYSTALS!_ _ **WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!**_ "  
Everybody in the throne room was horrified. Especially Steven, who at this point was shedding tears of his own.

"And for this you want to destroy my home?" said Steven, sobbing.  
The Yellow Diamond said "If you want to keep your _Earth_ so badly, let me see what we can do," then turned to her Pearl, "Pearl, any information on that human?"  
The Yellow Pearl typed away on a conveniently located computer screen. She read the report out loud.  
"Name: Sanchez, Rick. Occupation: Scientist. Home: Earth, Dimension K378..." Steven sighed in relief; it wasn't _his_ Earth. "Affiliation(s): Citadel of Ricks. Misc: Armed and dangerous. Prone to shoot down alien species that come in his way. Noted target of Galactic Federation. _Approach with caution_."  
Great. All this because a complete stranger shattered their beloved Pink Diamond for sport.  
Suddenly, there was a sound of footsteps coming from the far end of the throne room. It got louder and louder until...  
A tall woman emerged from the darkness. She was as tall as the Yellow and Blue Diamonds. Her dress was mostly white with touches of sky blue here and there. The hair was as messed up as the old man's hair in the video, but a white diamond was visible on the very top of her head. It was the _White Diamond herself_! Everybody looked in her direction in shock and awe. The Blue Diamond stood up from her throne to giver the White one a long-awaited hug.  
"WHITE DIAMOND!" said the Blue one, "We _missed_ you so!"  
The Yellow Diamond slouched in her throne, rolling her eyes. 'Blue could do better than that' she thought. Suddenly, the White Diamond pushed out of the hug.  
"What the f*** was _that_ for?" she said.  
The other Diamonds were startled with her attitude. This was not the White Diamond they had come to admire. Then again, she had been gone for a millennia, maybe more.  
"I'm sorry, White Diamond," said the Blue Diamond, "We thought you deserved a welcoming gesture after returning from your unusually long absence."  
"URRP. Whatever," said the White Diamond.  
She took a seat in a third throne that appeared out of nowhere.  
"So, where's _Pinkie_?" she asked rudely.  
"She was shattered by an Earth-born killer," said the Yellow Diamond, annoyed.  
The White one pointed at Steven, " _This_ one?"  
"No!" said Steven, "I already cleared my name! I..I'm Steven, nice to meet you Miss White Diamond!"  
The White Diamond gave Steven a light tap on his head, "I like this kid. The-the-this _Earth_ doesn't sound like a URRPbad planet after all!"  
"We were planning to destroy it," grunted the Yellow Diamond, "We would've already if Blue here wasn't keeping the 'human zoo' running in Pink's place. You're the tie breaker. Should we destroy that miserable planet, or let it live for this Steven's sake?"  
The White Diamond pulled out a flask from her dress and took a swig, then put it back. Then she stood up and put her arm around the Yellow Diamond.  
"Look, Yellow...URRP I don't give a f*** about what you say. You know why?"  
The Yellow Diamond was understandably shocked by what the White one said, and made the mistake of letting her continue.  
"Cause I'm _resigning_ from your precious Diamond Authority. Why are we sticking our noses in URRPother planets' businesses anyway?  
"Resigning? What are you talking about?"  
Out of the blue, the White Diamond pulled out a laser gun and pointed it at the Yellow Diamond's gem.  
"I'm working for the Citadel of Ricks, B****! THAT'S RIGHT! _I'M DIAMOND_ _ **RIIIICCCKKKKK!**_ "

A green portal opened up nearby, and out came a familiar-looking transport, containing a familiar-looking old man and apprentice. The transport hovered while the old man rolled down a window.  
"Good work, Rick N704," the old man said to the Diamond, "I'll take it from here."  
The old man...Rick K378...pulled out his own gun and fired directly into the Yellow Diamond's core, shattering her. Then the transport landed beside Steven. Rick and his apprentice emerged from both sides of the vehicle, and over to the diamond pieces.  
"Two down twoda go, URRPamiright, Morty?" he said to his apprentice.  
"Geez," said Morty, watching Rick pick up the stray pieces, "Did you really shatter that diamond, Rick?"  
"Yep! Now to spruce up the shards and sell them on 47th street!"  
Rick stood up and turned to Steven and Lars. They were in a state of speechlessness.  
Finally, Steven broke the ice, "Is that it? Is the Homeworld gonna leave the Earth alone yet?"  
The humans looked up at the Blue and White/Rick Diamonds.  
"If it's any URRPcomfort, kid," said the White/Rick Diamond, "Nobody sets up plans to destroy an Earth and get away with it. Not as long as _I'm_ running the show! I'M _DIAMOND RICK!_ "  
Steven turned to the Blue Diamond, who said nothing-still shedding those tears. He turned back to Human Rick.  
"Climb aboard," he said.  
Steven and Lars got in the backseat of Rick's transport, with Morty riding shotgun. Then Steven remembered something.  
"Listen, before we go, I wanna bring somebody with us."  
"Lay it URRPon me, kid..." (whisper whisper whisper whisper whisper)

One quick portal shortcut later, the transport arrived on the East Coast, a few feet away from Downtown Beach City and the Crystal Gems' temple.  
The first voice to be heard was "I predict we're being taken to a safer place!" Oh Padparadscha, you little rascal you.  
The Off-color gems were set free at last, while Steven and Lars were welcomed home with open arms by their respective families. Rick and Morty sat in their transport, observing their surroundings and wondering what to do next.  
"Wow, Rick!" said Morty, "I still can't believe you single-handedly saved a planet from being destroyed! I..I didn't think you had it in you!"  
"Full disclosure, Morty," said Rick, "I didn't want to. This was nothing but a URRPbadly-written fanfiction...crossover thing that nobody's gonna read. It's as if the idiot who wrote this never watched the show, Morty!"  
Morty groaned, and once more, the transport took off into the afternoon sky. The search for McDonald's Szechuan Sauce continues.

RUBBER BABY BUGGY BUNKERS!


End file.
